Author: Dr Simon Vincenzi

Joy & Stress: Don’t Forget about Your Self-Care This Christmas

December 10, 2015

 

Joy & Stress

The feeling most typically associated with Christmas is joy. You may have noticed it, in your peripheral vision, written around every department store while you’re frantically hunting down the last Frozen backpack for your niece.

Certainly, there are parts of Christmas that are joyful. But, is joy really what is most often felt during Christmas time? If you randomly called up a thousand people around Christmas time and asked them what they were feeling at that moment, I dare say the most common response would be “stressed”.

If we were all being honest, there would be little golden trinkets hanging from Christmas trees that spell out the word “Stress” instead of “Joy”.

For anyone old enough that Santa has stopped buying them presents, Christmas is a stressful time of year. There seems to be more of everything around Christmas time: More socialising, more drinking alcohol, more eating poorly, more shopping, more pressure, and it’s all packed within a short period of a few weeks.

Things get even worse if you have other problems in your life. Seeing the “joyful” spirit all around you can make for a harsh contrast to highlight how unjoyful your life is. Particularly, the spot light is placed on family problems during Christmas time, when there is pressure for all the family to get together and have a very Brady Christmas (complete with a family rendition of “O Come All Ye Faithful”).

For the one-in-five Australians experiencing mental health problems, the “Joyful” spirit can be even more difficult to deal with. Also, for people who have lost family members, Christmas can be a sad reminder of their absence. If you have clinical depression or ongoing anxiety problems, you should seek professional help. If you’re otherwise doing OK, here are some tips to keep the stress to a minimum this holiday season:

It’s OK to be a Grinch:

Christmas isn’t everyone’s thing. Placing pressure on yourself to act joyful, and feeling as though this is meant to be the happiest time of year, can be the worst thing you can do for your anxiety. If you’re not feeling it, it’s OK, there’s nothing wrong with you. Just take what you like from this time of year, and leave the rest behind.

Spend time with people who make you feel good:

This doesn’t always mean family. The holiday season is an opportunity to catch up with people we care about. Remember to balance the obligation catch-ups with social occasions that you enjoy and that help you unwind.

Make self-care a priority:

When was the last time you picked up that book you were reading? Have you been neglecting your physical health? Do you need to cancel a social event and take some time to relax? Christmas is a time when we’re constantly thinking about other people in our lives. So, of course, sometimes we can forget to think about ourselves. Check in with yourself every now and then and make sure you’re doing OK.

You don’t have to be the world’s best gift buyer:

It’s not a competition. You don’t have to be the Oprah Winfrey of gift buying. If you’re spending more time (or money) than you’d like shopping and it’s stressing you out, remind yourself that your relationships with your friends and family do not hang in the balance of this one gift. You do not have to buy your relationships. It actually is the thought that counts.

Create a new tradition:

In Seinfeld, when George Costanza’s father is overwhelmed by Christmas stress, he creates “Festivus”. You may not need to substitute your tree for a pole like he did, but creating a new tradition with friends or family can be a great way to ensure this Christmas, and all future Christmases, include something meaningful. This can be particularly helpful for people whose usual Christmas tradition included someone who has passed away. If you used to spend Christmas eve with someone you’ve lost, staying home with your thoughts, while tempting, may not be the best option. Surround yourself with people with whom you feel comfortable, who are aware of why this is a difficult time for you, and engage in some kind of activity (even if it’s something as simple as playing a board game or ordering-in dinner).

The typical holiday message we’re told around this time of year is to take the time to think about what we’ve done this year, and what we hope to do next year. This may not be the best advice. You would be far better off taking this opportunity to stop thinking about your life, your job, and everything you want to change, and for one time this year, just be present in the moment, surrounded by people you care about. That’s the best thing you could do for your mental health.

 

Why Thinking is Overrated: What’s the Deal with Mindfulness?

November 7, 2015

Mindfulness

Think about the last time you felt stressed or low in mood. Did thinking about it help? It’s natural to feel like you can think your way out of feeling something. Thinking about things can solve our problems in the outside world, so it makes sense we get the impression that thinking about our internal problems can fix them.

The problem is, the brain doesn’t take kindly to orders. If I told you not to think about a blue basket ball right now, I can almost guarantee that’s exactly what you’ll think about. Trying to avoid a feeling or a thought only brings your attention to it. So, the more you try to tell yourself to stop feeling something, the more that feeling is going to hang around.

So what’s the solution?

Lately, mindfulness has been receiving a lot of attention, appearing in business conferences, self-help books, and cafés around the country. In August, the burger chain “Grill’d” ran a promotion called “Mindfulness Matters”.

What is mindfulness? I’m reminded of that scene from the Matrix: Nobody can be told exactly what mindfulness is. They have to experience it for themselves. That’s the idea anyway. It’s called an “experiential exercise”, meaning you have to experience it. Talking about mindfulness doesn’t help you understand what it’s really about.

Essentially, mindfulness is the mental state you get in when you focus your attention on the present moment. But it’s also more than that. It’s about not getting caught up in your thoughts and feelings. It’s about accepting whatever is happening with you in this moment, without judgement.

There are a number of reasons it’s been receiving so much attention. Firstly, I should say, mindfulness is not a new concept. In fact, it’s ancient. It dates back to at least the sixth century BC. It has been a part of Eastern philosophy for some time. So why are we all noticing it now? Well, the main reason is that the field of science has started paying attention to it. There are now a number of studies that have found strong evidence in support of mindfulness as a mental health treatment. People have also been using it as a means of engaging with their life more fully and in a way that allows them to get more from it.

Have you ever been driving when, after some time, you realise that you haven’t been paying attention? You might not even have any memory of the last few minutes driving. This is referred to as “automatic pilot” mode. It might seem like a miracle you didn’t crash. Often, you’ve been thinking about something, and you’ve completely missed out on everything that is happening around you.

As you can probably imagine, living your life in autopilot mode means you will miss out on potentially rich experiences. Our brains are designed to think about and plan for the future. The problem is that, sometimes, we can miss out on the present. In the words of John Lennon, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

The problem with thinking:

Human beings have huge prefrontal cortices. This is the area of the brain that, among other things, allows us to have abstract thoughts (for example, thoughts about anything beyond what is happening here and now). When you’re thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner tonight, or whether you can afford that new car, that’s your prefrontal cortex at work. This ability has been, arguably, our greatest strength as a species. It allows us to plan for things ahead of time and helps us to work together to achieve things that would not be possible without abstract thinking. But, it could also be argued to be one of our greatest weaknesses. When you’re preparing for a speech and you keep imagining the crowd falling dead silent on a joke or judging you in some way, that’s also part of the same process.

Imagine you had to make a huge journey. You’re driving interstate. There’s a part of your brain that is like the kid in the back seat asking “are we there yet” constantly throughout the trip. In order to answer that question, you have to use your prefrontal cortex to think about your goal (arriving at your destination) and how far you are from achieving that goal (how many hours until you arrive). This is great, because it helps us complete the task better. We know how much food to bring with us in the car, how much petrol we’ll need, and when we need to start looking-out for somewhere to sleep. Our brains work great for this kind of task.

The problem is, we use this same process in unhealthy ways. Think about a long-term goal you have. Maybe you want to have a family, or to become the general manager at your workplace, or just to have a lot of money. Your brain is going to constantly compare where you are with where you want to be. Instead of being focused on what you have achieved, you will be focused on how far you are from achieving whatever else you want. In the case of the road trip, it’s telling you “you have five hours before you get there”. In the case of becoming GM at your workplace, it’s telling you “you have at least three promotions before you can get to that point and you haven’t even received one promotion yet. Plus, there are other people at your work who are better workers than you etc.”.  This is a guaranteed way to make yourself feel down or anxious.

It’s largely accepted today that our emotions are closely linked to our thoughts. Whether we are aware of it or not, the thoughts we have lead to the emotions we feel. This is where mindfulness comes in. Being mindful allows you to let your thoughts be in the background while you focus on the present moment. It is a difficult skill to master and, like physical skills, you need to practice in order to get better at it. But, once you’re able to be mindful in your daily life, you’ll find that you’re less bothered by things and better able to get the most out of life.

Image from Ian Iott